God...

See nothing but the blurred vision of yesterdays,
who left me in such a deserted place,
God show me a little of your grace.

I sit by the edge of my bed,
and all I hear is the beating in my head,
tugging at my soul,
beckoning me to follow.
And my eyes bleed a known fluid,
my heart aches in a blessed grip.
I know nothing more cruel than being unable to be in control of your life,
and there is no more that I may do than let out a sigh.
Don't know how many million tries,
I gave up not but never,
in a million years will I ever understand
why as hard as I tried to be perfect,
the more imperfect you had made me be.
I don't understand why as hard as I achieve to be better,
you slam me down even harder.
How many more trails should you have me put through before being certain I will surrender,
how many more obstacles should you bring forth to me before allowing me to enjoy the peace I've ever asked of you.
But maybe it was true,
that everything happened for a reason,
now I just want to know ...
If everything happened,
and like it has already now;
what is your reason?
Does it please you to know you've achieved a sadness in me beyond words of description,
does it make you stronger to know I am weaker,
does it make someone else's day better by making mine aguished.
it's hard as it is,
I don't want to be the one who bends down and gives up,
I don't know if I'd be able to hold on to the self you've created in me,
I don't know if I'd be able to know how to continue when I can't breathe,
I can't stand,
I can't stop crying.
Was it fate that I belonged to another class of society?
That I have gone out of path and become a better person,
and it's force time to put me back where I belong,
or was it that I've broken through a stigma you never thought I could,
and you've seen such great potential in me that you would put your fragile creation through all you thought was possible.
Lord I pray to you to let me know you love me,
and I promise you if it be your will to test me,
I won't give up, I won't surrender.

Don't know what's ups and downs,
don't know what's left and right,
but as long as you assure me you're by my side,
this vow I make to you;
I will follow your every step you build before me,
with you in my heart,
with responsibilities carried deep in me,
with courage sown onto me,
with love deep rooted in me,
with determination strengten in me,
and with trust I follow your lead...
Through each icy cold step,
each inferno step,
each invisible step,
each unknown step,
I follow you lead...